Seasonally Appropriate Post

Well, my New Year's resolution is to brush my teeth twice a day in an effort to appease my dentist without resorting to mouthwash (gross!) This is in place of my usual resolution to stop cussing so damn much. Because we all know all those years of not muttering obscenities under my breath at people pretty much made my "appropriate speech patterns" widget explode violently under the strain.

I distinctly remember a time when I didn't curse at all, and now sometimes I surprise myself. Like, "where did that come from? When did this become a regular part of my speech???" (I think it was sometime around high school.) Maybe that was when I stopped caring what people thought (though, to be honest, I can't remember ever really caring in the first place but THIS WILL BE MY EXCUSE FOR NOW, PLEASE DO NOT QUESTION.)

Anyway, mouthwash, I hate you with a passion. You make my mouth taste weird and my dental flora and I get along just fine without you crashing the party. I AM STARTING TO THINK MY MOUTH MIGHT BE DISGUSTING BUT WE WILL IGNORE THIS.

DAMN YOU, DENTIST, I HAVE ALREADY MADE THE CONCESSION OF FLOSSING OCCASIONALLY, DO NOT ASK MORE OF ME!

And YOU, DENTAL HYGIENIST, I'm ONTO YOU, don't think I haven't noticed your perverse pleasure in making my mouth bleed with your excessive rough flossing! And STOP ASKING ME ABOUT MY SCHOOL GOALS WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR HANDS IN MY MOUTH!


Ohgawd, when's my next dental exam...
-runs off to brush teeth again-