Aren't you dying to start living?

I don't think I have much to say today, but I decided that I should post before half a month prolongs into a month, and then into three months, and then into a year, and then into yet another project that I never finish, that goes gently into that good night, that I look back on and say "why didn't I pursue that?"
I'm intelligent, I know that, but it doesn't stop me from feeling overwhelmed and under-prepared.
Not thinking too well today, didn't get enough sleep again. I think when I graduate all I'll do is sleep. And, I guess, work since I have to.
It's hard, vacillating so much between wanting to do something to make a difference and wanting to give up.


Sometimes I think I'd be happier

I guess this is going to be one of those blogs.
Scott got offline but wasn't really there to begin with.

I have to get a new job and don't want to. I have to work on my vet applications and don't want to. I have to ask professors for recommendation letters and am scared to. I have to take the GRE and don't want to. I have to find a new place to live and don't want to.
Why is there so much stuff I have to do unwillingly?
The proverbial They say that tasks are easier to accomplish if you make yourself want to do them. I don't know where to begin.

Some people say they don't dream. I remember that I have dreams and don't remember what they are.

What am I really meant to do?



There are way too many applicable songs stuck in my head right now.

The Zed Word

I've been hanging out with my sister, got to CT last night around the same time as I said I would (with my amazing clairvoyant powers.)  Sadly, again no one is online to talk to, and my sister's dog snores like my dad, only more quietly.  Maybe my last couple of entries have been a little obsessed with sleeping, but I guess that's because I'm usually doing something like updating my blog instead of sleeping like a normal person.  I wouldn't say I'm an insomniac, since I CAN sleep (just not very well,) but I don't.  There's a tantalizing box of crackers juuuust out of reach that would fix my late night munchies wonderfully, but oh, I can stop complaining since mom finally passed me the box like I've been asking her to for the last hour.  My eye keeps twitching and it's really annoying.  Most likely just another sign that I don't get as much sleep as I should.
Enough with the whining about sleep, I hear ya, I know I can't complain if I'm staying up for no good reason.
I almost picked up a book of disease microorganisms today, like a self-diagnosis book, just to see how much it takes to make me a hypochondriac.  Then again, there was also a huge dinosaur encyclopedia, and I was really torn.  I ended up not getting either cause I don't really have the space, and how many dinosaur books can I possibly need, anyway (more)?
(There would be hidden stuff in this post, but my netbook really doesn't like the edit HTML tab, so you get none.)
I miss the seams on nylon stockings.
Now it's nearly three in the morning and my eyes are burning because I should have taken my contacts out a while ago.  And Alfie starts coughing like Max.  How depressing.
Someone should play Pictionary with me, only all the normal people are asleep and all the not-normal people are probably partying for St. Patrick's still.
Also someone should help me collect chicken bones so I can build an Apatosaurus out of it.  I have the instructions and everything!


What's with all the zombie apocalypse stuff lately?  I saw a learning Zombie as a foreign language book (with sounds!) today.  Not that I'm kvetching, mind you, because I will watch cheesy zombie movies and consider buying horror apocalypse novels all day long.

Losing Time

Daylight savings time is horrible!  Not only did we lose an hour going across the time zone, but we had to set the clocks forward an hour too!  Now it's almost midnight locally and I'm not tired.  Crud.

I thought we were supposed to get better sleep this trip, but stuff just keeps happening.  On Saturday morning some jerk group of kids (presumably a school trip) woke us up at 5:10am by ..."singing," yelling at each other, and just generally being loud.  It took them over an hour to leave, and we'd checked in sometime around 1am.
This morning, mom woke me up talking in her sleep at 6:16am (again, checking in about midnight.)
She was saying something like: "ststststSSSST!," punctuating it every once in a while with a "Hnh!" or two.  She scared the crap out of me at first, because it sounded like she was hissing at me (like we do when the dogs are getting into something they shouldn't,) and I'd been sound asleep and wondering what the crap I did to piss her off.  I realized that she was talking in her sleep (or making sounds, anyway,) and waited for her to quit, since she usually doesn't do it for very long, but after about a minute (a crazy long time for talking in your sleep), I woke her up and asked her what she was dreaming about (plus it sounded like she should have been soaking her pillow with drool--apparently she didn't.)
She told me: "Well, I was trying to catch something, and I was really angry at it.  It was a little demon or something, taunting me, and I was flailing around trying to get it because it was invisible.  Every few seconds it'd change directions and say something to me, taunting me, and I just couldn't catch the damn thing!"

So mom has gremlins in her dreams.

We went back to sleep, and she woke me up about an hour later making the same kind of noises.

That time I just threw a pillow at her.

Co(s)mic Retribution

Well, the 12th my mom and I were tooling around Marshall TX looking for a hotel at about one in the morning.  I was driving, and this is all back country roads, so I kinda expected some wildlife to be hanging around the roads and just generally being suicidal.  So I was talking to mom when this rabbit jumps out in front of the car.  I swerved and missed it, which made me happy, and I mentioned to mom that I hadn't hit anything yet.  We turned around at the town where they turn all the signal lights off at night since we assumed that if the town closed down, it probably wouldn't have a hotel.  Well, on the way back down the deserted highway at about 1:30am, another rabbit leisurely hopped in front of my car.

I didn't miss that one.
Now mom won't stop calling me "Rabbit Killer."
So I mentally told that first rabbit that it'd better make good use of its' life, since the second rabbit was sacrificed for it.


In other news, Animal Planet tells me that there are an estimated 3000 tigers in Texas, which is more than a little alarming.

I can't say Arkansas was particularly exciting, but then, that doesn't surprise me.  In Memphis, though, we stopped for lunch, and I let one of the workers know that the handicapped toilet in the restroom was, frankly, terrifying.  (Trust me.)

He didn't believe me, so I had fun teasing him about it when he went to go look.
Last night I had some dream about magic worms.  Maybe I'll remember to write down my dreams.
Sorry haven't done much, so don't have too much to say.  Some of you will be getting postcards soonish, so keep an eye out!

Frothing at the Mouth

I swear my father is the most frustrating individual I've ever met. (Or at least that I've had to live with.) Here I am actually doing my homework, damnit, and he sets his alarm to come trot in the living room and play games (loudly), completely ignoring that I'm in here (and may have wanted to play when I finished, which is pretty soon). Not to mention mom is still asleep, and I know she hears it cause she just got up, and she complains to me every day about how dad has no respect for her. What's even more frustrating is that he's playing Bioshock, which I want to play, and I get treated to spoiler cutscenes all the time, and I hate that.
Then, he'll get up, turn the game off (the only time he'll do this all day,) go out, and get lunch, never asking me if I want anything, never offering to take me somewhere for food.
When he gets back, he'll continue to monopolize the tv, because he can't sit and read or be quiet for five damn minutes.
Now he's trying one of the puzzles on the game, and thank goodness he actually managed to do it right this time, because otherwise I'd have to listen to him cuss in apoplectic fury and complain that the game is too hard, because that's the OTHER thing he always does. But I may get to have that anyway, since the game has just frozen and he'll have to do that part over again.
Not to mention that he complains that I don't pay for anything and I just spend his money, and the only thing I spend his money for is my effing tuition which I couldn't possibly afford on my own. I buy everything else I need on my shitty pay, driving home two hours every weekend for three years for a job that I now hate, having to listen to him kvetch about the stupidest things, listening to mom practically cry because he consistently tells her she's stupid and her work isn't worth anything (not necessarily in that phrasing) because his retirement pay gets all the money even though he retired TEN YEARS EARLY and if he'd waited another TWO YEARS he would have had his full pay, when mom worked TWENTY-THREE YEARS at minimal pay at a job that treated her like crap and, finally quitting, still gets shit-for-pay. I keep trying to convince her (and apparently my sister also) that she should get her CPA certification and make like three times what she makes now, easily, and get better jobs but she keeps saying she's too old and will be hit by a bus anyway, which throws me because it's not like she's in contact with buses like...ever.
It's strange that, despite my sister being five years older than I, she never once considered that mom and dad didn't work together until I mentioned it when I was twelve or so.

Tl;dr: I hate living at home and I'm frustrated enough for paragraph sentences.
Max is doing worse, again.