Circle of Life (or how your friends can accidentally screw you)

Well, I woke up an hour ago, itchy again. As usual I checked my bed. Guess what? This time I found bedbugs! I also found a spider, but he can stay in the hopes he eats the bedbugs or their eggs or something. Please do that, spider. Also have many spider babies and grow fat on the blood of my enemies (which, I guess, is technically also my blood) because I'd really rather have a spider infestation than a bedbug infestation.

Well, Scott, it's not that I hate you, but... I really really really hate you right now. Please pencil yourself in at the top of my Least Favorite Person in the World (right now/until I get rid of them I guess.)

I mean, I love you, you're great but fuck your bad luck I wanted no part of that!

Also, Chris, you suck too for being a little bedbug travel agency.







Fuck.



(EDIT: Well, I can't be mad at Chris anymore if I can text him at 5am complaining about bedbugs and he's here at 8am helping me clean and providing me with anti-bedbug war machines. =) )

Fuuuuuuuuuuuu

So, mom and I got some grapes and blueberries to plant in the yard. Just in case we might ever actually get fruit from them before the birds and squirrels do. Well, dad has done his usual massacre of the yard. Mutilated the wisteria as usual, left the jasmine alone for me to stare angrily at I guess? Mom says something along the lines of "omg have you seen your fig tree?"
No...no I haven't seen my fig tree. I round the corner where it's planted and I ...still don't see my fig tree. He murdered my fig tree! The only plant in the entire effing yard that he hadn't fucked up!

So now, I no longer have a big, gorgeous, healthy fig tree that fruits every year. Now I have some foot-long stumps that may be a gorgeous healthy fig tree again but will more likely be a sad, diseased and dying fig tree.

Thanks, dad! Leave my damn plants alone!

P.S. The backyard is now a lake and getting lakier by the day.