Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. I'm not sure if it's because I get to dress up as weird things without anyone thinking I'm crazy (a definite factor,) the free candy, the weather, the parties, or that Halloween is probably the holiday with the least emotional baggage.
Unfortunately, talking about Halloween reminds me that Chris dumped me on Halloween for some reason that I'm still (and probably will forever be) unclear on (preposition, no!) This may take away Halloween's privilege of being emotional-baggage-less.
(Is it bad that I spend so much effort trying not to cry about things like that (like...during the breakup even?) Sometimes I think I'm a tomboy even emotionally...)
Yeah.
Anyway. Halloween.
(I'm really itchy and fervently hoping that I didn't get bedbugs from Scott's house. The pattern doesn't seem like bedbugs, maybe I'll be lucky for once.)
HALLOWEEN IS FUN.
I like seeing people dress up and play (non-injuring) tricks on others. Just what's up with all the skanky versions of everything now? There's even a skanky BigBird and Cookie Monster. There's something seriously wrong with both those designers and the people who wear the costumes.
This is why I tend to just make my own, because I don't want to wear a skirt that MIGHT cover my butt.
For the ladies, it's that or be a witch/vampire for the jillionth time in a row.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Unemployment always sucks, but moreso if you knew your job was disappearing and you've been looking since June and haven't gotten anything yet except the one person who was definitely going to hire you but you couldn't because they needed someone the next day and you still had school two hours away.
So anyway, lately I've just been like "Blaaaaagh I can't do anything right and nothing's going my way and certainly nothing's turning up Gemini and I'm still stuck living with my parents which is okay but makes me feel like a total loser and now I don't even have a job and I'm still living with my parents which makes me like a superultra loser and I'm not even sure at this point that a redo would help but I can pretend like it would and I've been soooooo tiiiiiiired lately and I'm not sure if there's something wrong with me or I'm just that depressed/stressed/apathetic ahglhwkgjhdfhj."
Also I hate going to fill out applications because I've been getting a lot of no and that's hard to face that many times.
I have now been sick for longer/more times since I graduated than I have in the last two years and that just isn't right.
Parents are ridiculous as usual. Remodeling the kitchen is both more personally fulfilling and more frustrating than studying. At least I can see my progress, but the parents argue so much about what should go in the kitchen, whether or not to buy appliances even though the old appliances still work just fine, and today, buying a fridge that's too big because nobody bothered to measure the damned thing. Also, the things I can do have been put on hold because of my sister's moving (so we have to clear out her storage space and drive her shit up to CT, which means she and her husband owe us a hell of a huge favor *again*) so instead of being able to just finish a project I'm slammed with HOW MUCH STUFF I HAVEN'T FINISHED YET.
Anyway, the tl;dr of it all is that I'm frustrated, emotional, and running out of time.
10/25 I wanted to leave previous post up longer, but I also don't. My post-box is all confused cause technically most of this post was written before the previous (obviously the previous trumps this one, though) and today I feel like updating, though now I'm second-guessing it again so I guess I'll wait.
55% of my views are from Internet Explorer. I can't accurately state how disgusting that is. Get a better browser, people!
10/27
My old job wants me back but I don't know if I want to bother with them. I may or may not need the money, but it's not what I need in job experience, and frankly, I'm tired of the random shit they pull. (Also killing things.)
So anyway, lately I've just been like "Blaaaaagh I can't do anything right and nothing's going my way and certainly nothing's turning up Gemini and I'm still stuck living with my parents which is okay but makes me feel like a total loser and now I don't even have a job and I'm still living with my parents which makes me like a superultra loser and I'm not even sure at this point that a redo would help but I can pretend like it would and I've been soooooo tiiiiiiired lately and I'm not sure if there's something wrong with me or I'm just that depressed/stressed/apathetic ahglhwkgjhdfhj."
Also I hate going to fill out applications because I've been getting a lot of no and that's hard to face that many times.
I have now been sick for longer/more times since I graduated than I have in the last two years and that just isn't right.
Parents are ridiculous as usual. Remodeling the kitchen is both more personally fulfilling and more frustrating than studying. At least I can see my progress, but the parents argue so much about what should go in the kitchen, whether or not to buy appliances even though the old appliances still work just fine, and today, buying a fridge that's too big because nobody bothered to measure the damned thing. Also, the things I can do have been put on hold because of my sister's moving (so we have to clear out her storage space and drive her shit up to CT, which means she and her husband owe us a hell of a huge favor *again*) so instead of being able to just finish a project I'm slammed with HOW MUCH STUFF I HAVEN'T FINISHED YET.
Anyway, the tl;dr of it all is that I'm frustrated, emotional, and running out of time.
10/25 I wanted to leave previous post up longer, but I also don't. My post-box is all confused cause technically most of this post was written before the previous (obviously the previous trumps this one, though) and today I feel like updating, though now I'm second-guessing it again so I guess I'll wait.
55% of my views are from Internet Explorer. I can't accurately state how disgusting that is. Get a better browser, people!
10/27
My old job wants me back but I don't know if I want to bother with them. I may or may not need the money, but it's not what I need in job experience, and frankly, I'm tired of the random shit they pull. (Also killing things.)
Sunday, October 24, 2010
In Memoriam
There are times when I feel like I should blog about something, and there are times when I want to talk to myself (and I sometimes blog to do that) but think that I shouldn't blog about it yet.
In fact, it's probably definitely too early to blog about this, but my typing is much faster and more legible than my writing (and much less prone to tear stains and edits.)
My friends' youngest brother suddenly passed away October 16th (yesterday at the time of this writing.)
I feel completely inadequate in the consolation of the surviving members of the family, especially the other sons who are trying so hard to be strong. Of course, you never think that something like this could happen to you, or someone you know, especially when they're so young. Sure, he was sick, but not that sick, right?
I put so much hope and prayer into David growing out of his seizures, or at least that they'd be able to control them by medication, that I never even considered that he might not survive (that doesn't happen to good people, right?)
I wish that David could have had a long and happy life, but I have accepted that there is nothing that I can do or could have done to change that.
I take my peace from that I made the right choice, that I got to have fun with him before he died, and that he was not in pain, and certainly is not now.
God grant us the courage to continue on without him, celebrate his life, and honor his memory, and grant us the serenity to accept what we cannot change.
Post-edit 10/25: I'm also grateful that I was allowed to help bury him. Unfortunately (maybe not that unfortunate,) it was closed casket so I kinda still feel like when I go over to the house he's just in his room or at school or something. I wonder how long it will take to ...not think that anymore.
I hope I didn't make Scott cry.
In fact, it's probably definitely too early to blog about this, but my typing is much faster and more legible than my writing (and much less prone to tear stains and edits.)
My friends' youngest brother suddenly passed away October 16th (yesterday at the time of this writing.)
I feel completely inadequate in the consolation of the surviving members of the family, especially the other sons who are trying so hard to be strong. Of course, you never think that something like this could happen to you, or someone you know, especially when they're so young. Sure, he was sick, but not that sick, right?
I put so much hope and prayer into David growing out of his seizures, or at least that they'd be able to control them by medication, that I never even considered that he might not survive (that doesn't happen to good people, right?)
I wish that David could have had a long and happy life, but I have accepted that there is nothing that I can do or could have done to change that.
I take my peace from that I made the right choice, that I got to have fun with him before he died, and that he was not in pain, and certainly is not now.
God grant us the courage to continue on without him, celebrate his life, and honor his memory, and grant us the serenity to accept what we cannot change.
Post-edit 10/25: I'm also grateful that I was allowed to help bury him. Unfortunately (maybe not that unfortunate,) it was closed casket so I kinda still feel like when I go over to the house he's just in his room or at school or something. I wonder how long it will take to ...not think that anymore.
I hope I didn't make Scott cry.
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